Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabu Kome wa Machigatteiru - Volume 01 Read online

  “Hikigaya-kun.” Yukinoshita said and motioned toward the hallway with a quick jerk of her chin – a gesture that told me to get lost. She could have said it nicely without doing that by saying ‘You’re an eyesore so could you please leave? I would appreciate it if you never came back again.’

  If you need to have some kind of girl talk then there’s no helping it. There are indeed things in this world that can only be discussed between girls. I could take a hint like ‘Physical Education’, ‘No males allowed’, ‘Classroom in use for a female only lesson’. That about sums it up.

  ….By those female only lessons, I wonder what kind of lessons they were….It still bugs me to this day.

  “….I’ll just go buy some ‘Sportop’.”

  I must say I’m being very considerate, having sensed the situation and acted discreetly. If I were a girl, I would have definitely fallen in love with me.

  As I put my hand on the door to leave, Yukinoshita called out to me. Maybe even Yukinoshita had some feelings to express.

  “I’ll have a ‘Yasai seikatsu 100 Strawberry Mix’.”

  To think that she can just naturally command people to do errands for her. Yukinoshita-san, you’re freaking unbelievable.

  3-3

  It wouldn’t take more than ten minutes to get from the third floor to the first floor of the special building and back again. If I took my time and walked at a leisurely pace, their conversation would probably be finished by the time I got there.

  Well, I no matter kind of person she was, Yuigahama was our first client. In other words, her appearance marked the beginning of the so-called battle between Yukinoshita and me.

  Well, it’s not like I’m going to win so if I just concerned myself with figuring out how to minimise as much damage as possible, all would be good.

  In front of the school canteen there was a suspicious vending machine. It sold some peculiar kinds of soda in juice boxes that you can’t find at regular convenience stores. They seem to be pretty good at replicating flavors so they’ve caught my interest.

  I was particularly interested in a soda called ‘Sportop,’ which goes against the norm. It has a flavor like that of cheap candy and challenges the latest ‘zero calories’ and ‘sugar-free’ trends. It tastes pretty good.

  As I inserted two hundred yen coins into the vending machine, it groaned loudly like it some sky fortress about to let drop the ‘Yasai Seikatsu’ and ‘Sportop’ I purchased. Then, I inserted another hundred yen coin in and pressed the ‘Otoko no Café au Lait’ button.

  It would be weird if only two out of three people were drinking something. So I’d decided to buy something for Yuigahama too.

  The drinks were 300 yen in total meaning I had lost fifty percent of the money I had on me. I was way too broke.

  3-4

  “You’re late,” Yukinoshita said, snatching the ‘Yasai Seikatsu’ from my hands. She poked a straw in it and started drinking. All that was left was the ‘Sportop’ and ‘Otoko no Café au Lait.’

  It seemed like Yuigahama realized who the ‘Otoko no Café au Lait’ was for.

  “... Oh right,” she said, pulling a hundred yen coin out of a pocket-like coin purse.

  “Ah, don’t worry about it.”

  I mean, Yukinoshita didn’t pay me back, and above all, I bought them of my own volition. Even though it might have been reasonable to accept money from Yukinoshita, I was not obliged to accept money from Yuigahama. So instead of taking the hundred yen coin she held out, I placed the Café au Lait in her hand.

  “B-But I haven’t paid you back!” Yuigahama adamantly attempted to hand me the coin. It would have been annoying to argue back and forth about her paying me back so I just walked over to my seat closer to Yukinoshita.

  Yuigahama appeared slightly miffed as she reluctantly put away her change.

  “... Thanks.” She expressed her gratitude in a small voice, laughing a little happily as she shyly held the Café au Lait in both hands.

  That was most certainly the most gratitude I’ve ever received in my entire life. She had probably overpaid me with that smiling face for what was worth only a hundred yen.

  “Have you finished your chat?” Satisfied, I attempted to get Yukinoshita to show me some appreciation as well.

  “Yes. As a result of your absence, our conversation went along swimmingly. Thanks.”

  That was most certainly the least gratitude I’ve ever received in my entire life.

  “…Well, that’s good. So, what are you going to do now?”

  “We’re going to the home economics room. You’re coming with us.”

  “The home economics room?”

  It was an iron maiden-like classroom for the torture of cooking training conducted in groups of your own choosing.

  They have kitchen knives and gas ranges, which are dangerous and should have restricted use!

  “And what are we going to do there?”

  Along with gym class and field trips, cooking training was one of the top three school activities known for trauma infliction. There probably wasn’t a single person who actually enjoyed any one of them. I mean, imagine a group that is happily chatting among themselves and getting along well…then imagine the immediate silence that fell over them the moment I had joined…yeah, it was beyond unbearable.

  “Cookies… I want to bake some cookies.”

  “Huh? Cookies?” It was the only response I could give her, having had no idea what she was talking about.

  “It appears that Yuigahama-san wants to make homemade cookies for someone. However, she has no confidence in her ability and would like some help. That is her request,” Yukinoshita explained, clearing my doubt.

  “Why do we have to do that?… Get your friends to help you with something like that.”

  “Um… W-well, it’s just that… I don’t really want them to know and if they knew about it, they’d make fun of me… Something serious like this wouldn’t sit well with them…” Yuigahama’s eyes darted about as she answered.

  I let a small sigh slip.

  Frankly, peoples' love problems aren't easy to deal with. Rather than knowing who likes who, memorizing even one English word would be much more useful to me. Considering that, helping her with her love problems is out of the question. And well, I don’t have any interest in such love stories beyond being made to think about them.

  Now that I think about it… That serious talk they had… It must have been about this…

  Boy, am I relieved.

  Honestly, to somebody with love problems, all you need to say is, ‘Don’t give up! It’ll definitely go well!’ And if it doesn’t go well, then all you need to say is, ‘That guy is seriously, like, the biggest jerk ever!’

  “Hah,” I inadvertently snorted as my eyes met Yuigahama’s.

  “Ah...” Yuihagama looked downward, at a loss for words. She then gripped the hem of her skirt, her shoulders trembling slightly. “Ah…Ahaha.

  It-it’s weird, isn’t it? Someone like me trying to make homemade cookies…like I’m trying to be some kind of girly girl… Sorry, Yukinoshita-san, it’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

  “Well, if that’s what you really want, I don’t particularly mind… —Oh, I see. If you’re worried about him, you don’t have to be. He doesn’t exactly have a moral compass so I’ll force him to help out.”

  Somehow it seemed like the Japanese constitution didn’t apply to me. I mean, what kind of sweatshop-type exploitation was this?

  “No, it’s really okay! I mean making cookies really doesn’t suit me and it would be weird… I asked Yumiko and Mari and they said it’s totally old-fashioned.” Yuigahama stole a glance at me.

  “...Yes. I certainly wouldn’t expect that a girl who looks as flamboyant as you do would make cookies,” Yukinoshita said, as if to push the already crestfallen Yuigahama further into depression.

  “E-exactly! It’s weird, isn’t it?!” Yuigahama laughed anxiously as if she was waiting for us to react. Her down
cast eyes suddenly looked to me, as though she was challenging me. With those eyes looking at me, I felt like she was asking me for some kind of reply.

  “...Well, what I want to say is not...that it’s weird, or that it doesn’t suit you, or that it’s not in your personality. I really just couldn’t care less.”

  “That’s an even more horrible thing to say!” Yuigahama struck the table hard in exasperation. “Hikki, I really can’t believe you! I’m seriously pissed off. I would do it if I put my mind to it!”[1]

  “That’s not something you can say about yourself. That’s something your mom says, while getting emotional – tears in her eyes and all. ‘I always thought you would do it if you could...but of course you just can't'”

  “Well, it looks like your mom already gave up on you!”

  “A reasonably good conclusion.” Yukinoshita nodded her head eagerly. Meanwhile, Yuigahama had tears welling up in her eyes.

  Oh, leave me alone. Although of course, being given up on is also sad, I guess.

  I felt bad for being a killjoy when Yuigahama was clearly determined to make those cookies. Not to mention there was still that battle between Yukinoshita and me.

  “Well, the only thing I can make is curry, but I’ll still help you.” I reluctantly offered my assistance.

  “...Th-thanks.” Yuigahama gave a sigh of relief.

  “We aren’t really expecting anything with regards to your cooking ability. We just want you to taste the cookies and tell us your opinion.”

  Well, if it was as Yukinoshita said and a male’s perspective was required, there was obviously something I could do. There is an innumerable amount of males who dislike sweet foods so my help will be required when trying to match a male’s sense of taste. Not to mention that I’m an honest person when it comes to saying whether or not something is delicious.

  ...Would that come in handy?

  3-5

  The home economics room was now enveloped in the smell of vanilla essence.

  Yukinoshita opened the refrigerator with confidence and took out some milk and eggs. She grabbed a scale, a bowl and some other things, then started to prepare the eggs. She was using some strange cooking utensil that I wasn’t well-acquainted with.

  It seemed that this perfect superhuman[1] was, somehow, also unbelievably good at cooking.

  She put on an apron once she had finished those quick preparations, as if to say that the real cooking was about to start. Yuigahama also wore an apron, but she wore it like a first-timer; she had tied the strings into a messy, tangled knot.

  “Your apron’s tangled. Do you honestly not know how to wear one?”

  “Sorry. Thanks… Wait, what?! I can at least wear an apron, you know!”…

  “In that case, please put it on properly. If you don’t do things correctly, you’ll end up like him--someone way past the point of no return.”

  “Don’t use me as a negative example--what am I, Namahage?”[2]

  “Well, it’s the first time you’ve actually been helpful to someone, so be a little happier about it… Oh, but don't worry: even if you compare yourself to Namahage, I don’t really have anything against your scalp.”

  “I wasn’t even worrying to begin with…Stop it. Don’t look at my hair with that pitying smile.” In an attempt to evade her smile-–an expression she would normally never show--I held my hair back from my hairline.

  I heard Yuigahama giggle. Unsurprisingly, she was still trying to put on her apron as she watched the little exchange between Yukinoshita and me from afar.

  “You still haven’t tied it? Or is it because you can’t put it on? …Good grief, just come over here. I’ll tie it for you.” Yukinoshita rolled her eyes as she beckoned Yuigahama over with a quick wave of her hand.

  “…I think its fine,” Yuigahama murmured as if she was a little hesitant, looking back and forth between Yukinoshita and me. She looked like a lost, anxious kid.

  “Hurry up.” Yukinoshita’s cold tone shattered Yuigahama’s hesitation. I didn’t know if she was angry or not, but it was a little scary.

  “S-s-s-sorry!” Yuigahama squeaked, walking over to Yukinoshita. What was she, a puppy?

  Yuknoshita moved behind her and retied her strings at once.

  “Yukinoshita-san… It’s kind of like you’re my onee-chan, huh?”

  “My little sister wouldn’t have turned out as bad as you.” Yukinoshita sighed and looked displeased, but, to my surprise, I actually agreed with Yuigahama.

  If you put the mature Yukinoshita next to the baby-faced Yuigahama, they seemed relatively similar to sisters. In any case, it felt a hell of a lot like there was definitely something familial between them.

  On another note, since only middle-aged men would say that wearing nothing but an apron looked nice, I thought that wearing uniform under an apron was best.

  I felt my heart warm up at that thought and unconsciously smirked.

  “H-hey, Hikki…”

  “W-what?” My voice cracked.

  Crap… I probably just put on a really gross face just then. And that inadvertent, nervous reply just dramatically increased that grossness.

  “W-what do you think of girls who are good at home economics?”

  “Well, I don’t exactly dislike them. It’s not as if guys always find that attractive.”

  “I-I see…” Upon hearing that, Yuigahama smiled in relief. “Alright! Let’s do this!” She rolled up her sleeves, cracked the eggs and starting beating them. She added wheat flour, followed by sugar, butter and some flavorings including vanilla essence.

  Even I, someone not well-versed in the art of cooking, could clearly see that Yuigahama’s abilities were far from normal. I’m sure she thought that merely making cookies was something extravagant, but since it was actually something very simple, it was easy to see how far from normal her competence was. There was nothing to conceal them, and so her true abilities were on full display.

  First, the beaten egg still had some eggshell in there. Second, the flavouring was clumping together. Third, the butter was still hard.

  And as expected, she had switched the flour and the salt and was pouring vanilla essence into a bowl that was already overflowing with milk.

  I quickly looked to Yukinoshita to see her going pale as she put a hand on her forehead. Even I, with my lack of cooking skills, felt a shiver down my spine. To Yukinoshita, who was good at cooking, this must have been an absolute abomination.

  As I quickly looked at Yukinoshita, I could see her go pale and put a hand on her forehead. This made even a poor chef like myself shiver. To Yukinoshita, someone who was good at cooking, this must have been an absolute abomination.

  “Now we need…” Yuigahama trailed off, then retrieved some instant coffee.

  “Coffee? Well, I suppose if there was something to drink the food’ll go down easier… Isn’t that a good idea?”

  “Huh? That’s not it--it’s a secret ingredient. Boys don’t like sweet things, right?” Yuigahama turned to face me as she continued working. With her gaze directed away from her hands, a black mound had formed in the middle of the bowl before she knew it.

  “It sure isn’t a secret ingredient now…”

  “What? Ack. Well, I’ll just add some more flour to fix it.” With that, she made a white mound next to the black one. Then she engulfed the whole thing in a tidal wave of beaten eggs, raising some kind of hellish thing.

  I’ll start from my conclusion: Yuigahama’s cooking skills were severely lacking. It wasn’t about whether or not they were adequate--she never had any skills to begin with. She went beyond clumsiness; she was making something so hopelessly ordinary, but she still wasn’t someone fit to do it. She was the only person I wouldn’t want to be my science lab partner, someone incompetent enough to get herself killed.

  By the time the thing was done baking, it had become some kind of completely charred hot cake. I could tell from smell alone that it was bitter.

  “W-why?” Yuigahama stared in h
orror at the abomination in front of her.

  “I just don’t understand… How is it even possible to make mistake after mistake…” Yukinoshita murmured. I wondered if she was speaking quietly just so that Yuigahama wouldn’t hear. Either way, she seemed to have let it slip in her impatience.

  Yuigahama took the abomination and arranged it on a plate. “It might look like this, but… We won’t know until we’ve tasted it!”

  “You’re right--we’ve even got someone here to do the taste testing.”

  I guffawed at that. “Yukinoshita. That’s a strange blunder to make…This is what you’d call poison testing.”