Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabu Kome wa Machigatteiru - Volume 01 Read online

  “How is this poison?! …Poison… Yeah, maybe it is poisonous after all?” Despite her confident retort, she appeared somehow anxious; she cocked her head to one side, as if to ask, ‘What do you think?’

  There was obviously nothing to say to that. I broke away from Yuigahama’s puppy-like expression and instead turned to draw Yukinoshita’s attention.

  “Hey, am I really going to eat this? This is just like the charcoal they sell at Joyful Honda.”

  “You should be fine--we haven’t used any inedible ingredients. Well, mostly. And--” Yukinoshita paused before whispering, “I’ll also be eating it, so it’s fine.”

  “For real? Are you, perchance, actually a nice person? Or do you like me?”

  “…On second thought, please eat it all and go kill yourself.”

  “My bad… I was so in shock that I blurted something weird.”

  As expected from sweets[3]… Though, that said, it was questionable to refer to the abomination in front of us that way.

  “I asked you to taste-test, not to deal with something like this. Furthermore, I am the one who accepted her request. I’ll at least take responsibility.” Yukinoshita pulled the plate over to her side. “If we don’t establish what’s wrong with it, we won’t be able to deal with the situation properly. Although that’s not to say that we should take risks simply for knowledge's sake…”

  Yukinoshita picked up some of the blackened abominations, which could even be mistaken for iron ore, and looked at me. Her eyes seemed to be a little teary. “We won’t die, right?”

  “That’s what I want to know…” I said and looked to Yuigahama; she was watching us like she wanted to join in.

  …Perfect. It’d be good if she ate it as well. Learn the pain of others.

  3-6

  We barely managed to eat Yuigahama’s cookies. If it was like a manga, then as soon as we finished eating them, we would have fallen sick and thrown up. In reality, they were so disgusting that I thought I’d prefer to just pass out. I would have happily fallen ill if it meant I didn’t have to eat those cookies ever again.

  A thought then crossed my mind: did she put some fish intestines in there or something? But I guess it was only that bad, so at least it didn’t kill us right away. However, if you think about it in the long run, it wouldn’t be implausible to consider that its carcinogenic effects may manifest long after it has been ingested.

  “Urgh… It’s bitter and gross…” Yuigahama said crunching on it with tears in her eyes. Yukinoshita immediately handed her a teacup.

  “It’s better if you wash it down and try to avoid chewing as much as possible. And be careful not to let your tongue touch them. They are, after all, much like a potent poison.”

  Don’t go and say horrible things so easily, god damn it.

  Yukinoshita poured hot water from a furiously-boiling kettle and made some black tea. Once we finally got through our assigned amounts of cookies, we drank it to rid ourselves of the foul taste. Then everything finally felt normal, and I let out a sigh of relief.

  Then Yukinoshita opened her mouth. Did she want to disrupt our relaxed atmosphere? "Well then, let's think about how to improve these results."

  "How about Yuigahama never cooks again?"

  "I’ve been completely rejected?!"

  "Hikigaya-kun, that would be our last resort."

  "Last resort? So that’s actually an option?!" Yuigahama quickly went from shocked to despondent. Her shoulders drooped, crestfallen, as she let out a deep sigh. "I guess cooking just isn't for me after all… Would you call it a talent? A talent that I just don't have."

  Yukinoshita let out a short sigh in response. "…I see. I've thought of a solution."

  "Let's hear it then," I prompted her.

  "Simply work harder," Yukinoshita calmly answered.

  "You call that a solution?" As far as I was concerned, that was the worst solution ever. At this point, there was nothing she could do but try her best, because there were no other options to consider. Conversely, that only meant one thing: we were at wits' end.

  To be blunt, it was always going to be a pointless venture.

  It would be so much easier if she'd just say, 'There's no hope, let's stop.' Trying so hard, pointlessly putting effort into this, was way beyond futile. If Yukinoshita did break the news to her and just say that she was doomed, then she could put all that time and labor into other things--that would be much more efficient.

  "Hard work is an excellent solution--if we do it the right way, that is," Yukinoshita said as if she had read my mind. Did she have extrasensory perception or something? "Yuigahama-san, you said you didn't have any talent, right?"

  "Huh? Oh, yeah."

  "Please rid yourself of that idea. Those who do not exert the least amount of effort are unqualified to envy the talented. Those who cannot succeed are unable to because they cannot imagine the painstaking accumulation of hard work by those who do." Yukinoshita's words were bitter. They were so undeniably true that there was no room for rebuttal.

  Yuigahama was at a loss for words; she must've never had anyone hit her with the truth like that. An expression of bewildered panic crossed her face until she covered it up with a grin.

  “B-but, uh, people don’t really do this sort of thing these days… It definitely doesn’t suit me, not at all.”

  Just as Yuigahama’s shy laughter died down, there was a sound of a cup clinking as it was put down. It could only have been a very quiet, small sound, yet it rang out crystal clear, forcibly drawing our gaze in its direction. There sat Yukinoshita, radiating a cheerful aura.

  “…Please stop trying to conform to those around you… It’s terribly unpleasant. Isn’t it embarrassing to place the blame for your lack of ability, your clumsiness, and your foolishness on others?” Yukinoshita’s voice was strong. She was so obviously disgusted that even I was taken aback, surprised enough to let out a quiet ‘W-whoa…’

  The overwhelmed Yuigahama fell into silence. She hung her head low, so I couldn’t read her face very well, but the way her hand gripped the edge of her skirt betrayed her emotions.

  She was definitely an adept communicator--after all, she hung out with the popular kids, and that required both simple good looks and people skills. In other words, she was good at adjusting herself to other people… But that could also mean she simply lacked the courage to be herself if it meant she had to risk ending up all alone.

  On the hand, Yukinoshita was just as determined to walk down her own path. She was certainly headstrong in that respect.

  When you considered their preferences regarding being alone, you saw that they were each an entirely different kind of girl. If we were talking about who held more power, Yukinoshita was clearly the stronger one. It was a fair argument.

  Yuigahama’s eyes were tearing up.

  “I-i….”

  I wondered if she was trying to say, ‘I’m going home.’ Her involuntary, faint speech made it sound as if she was about to cry. Her shoulders trembled, so her voice helplessly trembled too.

  “Incredible…”

  “Huh?!” Yukinoshita and I chorused. What the heck was this girl saying…? We inadvertently exchanged looks.

  “You really just say it straight… And that’s just, well… It’s really cool…” Yuigahama was eager as she stared at Yukinoshita. Yukinoshita’s expression stiffened, and she fell back two steps.

  “J-just what are you saying… Did you even hear me? I’m fairly certain my words were quite harsh.”

  “No way! Not at all! Well, I mean, your words were harsh and honestly, I was a little taken aback.”

  Yes, that’s quite true… Frankly, I didn't think Yukinoshita would say something like that to one of her fellow female peers.

  Harsh didn't seem enough to describe those words, so I was considerably taken aback. Though I’m sure that Yuigahama was more than just 'taken aback.'

  “But I really think you were just being honest with me. I mean, even when you were talk
ing to Hikki, you two were only exchanging mean things, but you talked to each other properly. I’ve only ever tried to fit in and say what was expected of me, so this is a first for me…”

  Yuigahama didn’t run away. “I’m sorry. I’ll do it again properly.” Once she had apologized, she faced Yukinoshita head on.

  “…” To my surprise, this time it was Yukinoshita who was at a loss for words. It was probably the first time Yukinoshita had experienced something like that. There are unexpectedly few people who do the right thing and actually apologize. Most just go deep red in the face and get really angry.

  Yukinoshita suddenly turned her head sideways and brushed her fingers through her hair. That motion that said she was looking for something to say but couldn’t find anything. Man… She seriously sucks at ad-libbing.

  “…Teach her the right way to make them. Yuigahama, make sure you actually pay attention to what she says.” Once I broke the silence between them, Yukinoshita let out a short sigh and nodded in assent.

  “I’ll make one model batch, so you can try and make it exactly like I do.” Yukinoshita stood up and quickly began preparations.

  She rolled up her sleeves, broke some eggs into a bowl and then began to beat them. She sifted in a precisely-weighed amount of wheat flour and mixed it together so that it wouldn’t clump, then she added sugar, butter, and flavorings, such as vanilla essence.

  Her skill greatly exceeded Yuigahama’s. She had made the cookie dough in the blink of an eye, then she started cutting it into circles, stars and heart shapes with a cookie cutter. There was already baking paper laid out on a baking tray. She carefully placed the dough on the tray and placed it in a preheated oven.

  A short time later, an ineffably nice smell filled the room. It was easy to infer that if prior preparations were done perfectly, the end result would be good. And as expected, the baked cookies were a sight for sore eyes. Yukinoshita put them onto plates and handed them out.

  They were baked a beautiful light brown and were definitely what one would call ‘cookies’. They were well-made, just like my aunt’s cookies. They deserved gratitude.

  As soon as I took one and put it in my mouth, my face naturally broke into a smile.

  “So good! What kind of pâtissier are you?” I let my true impressions slip. I couldn’t stop my hands and put another one in my mouth. It was delicious, of course.

  I probably wouldn’t be able to ever experience eating a girl's handmade cookies again, so I took the opportunity to put another one in my mouth. (Yuigahama’s weren't exactly cookies, so they didn’t count.)

  “They’re really good… Yukinoshita-san, you’re amazing.”

  “Thank you.” Yukinoshita smiled without any hint of sarcasm. “But, you see, I just followed the recipe exactly. Therefore, you should be able to make them the same way. If it doesn’t work out, then there’s probably some other reason for that.”

  “Well, can’t I just use these cookies?”

  “Then it won’t mean anything. So, Yuigahama-san, let’s do our best.”

  “Y-yes… Do you think I can really do it? Can I really make cookies like you?”

  “Of course. If you follow the recipe, that is.” Yukinoshita didn’t forget to warn her. Thus did Yuigahama’s second attempt begin.

  Just like a rehash of Yukinoshita’s version, Yuigahama used the same process and the same actions. Well, she really is only re-baking the cookies, so… That was a pretty tasteful pun.[1] I was sure that the finished cookies would also be quite tasty… I just kept pulling those puns out of nowhere.

  However…

  "Yuigahama-san, that's not how you do it. When you sift the flour, try and make a more circular shape… A circle, I said, a circle. Do you understand? Didn't you learn about circles in elementary school?"

  "When you mix the ingredients, make sure you hold the bowl down properly. The bowl is also turning, so you're not mixing the ingredients at all. Don't stir, fold through the mixture."

  "No, no, you're doing it wrong. You don't need to add that to enhance the flavour. We can add things like canned peaches next time. If you add something that holds a lot of water, the dough will die. It won't be redeemable."

  Yukinoshita--the Yukinoshita Yukino--was confused. She was totally distressed.

  When the dough finally, somehow, managed to get into the oven, she heaved a sigh. Her usual audacity had vanished, and a bead of sweat ran down her forehead.

  When the oven was opened, a nice aroma emerged, closely resembling Yukinoshita's previous batch of cookies. However…

  "They're somehow different…" Despondent, Yuigahama's shoulders dropped.

  Tasting them showed that they were clearly different from Yukinoshita's. Nonetheless, they well and truly deserved to be called 'cookies'.

  Compared to that charcoal-like thing before, they were so much better… Honestly, I didn't really mind eating them.

  "…How should I instruct you so that you understand?" Puzzled, Yukinoshita tilted her head in thought.

  When I watched her, I realized that the reason was obvious: she was just terrible at explaining things.

  To be frank, Yukinoshita was a genius, and therefore there’s no way she could even begin to understand the feelings of normal people. She simply couldn’t understand what caused them to fail.

  You could say that following a recipe exactly is like using a formula in mathematics. People who are bad at mathetmatics can’t understand why the formula exists, and they can’t understand how the formula can be used to arrive at an answer.

  Yukinoshita just can’t understand why Yuigahama can’t understand. If I said that to her, it would probably sound like I was trying to say that she was in the wrong. I wasn’t. Yukinoshita tried her best; the problem was Yuigahama.

  “Why didn’t they turn out right? …Even after I made them just like you told me to.” She looked downright stupefied as she reached out for a cookie.

  If you believe that people who are truly smart should be good at teaching others, no matter how stupid the student, then you’re wrong. No matter what you say to an idiot, they’re just plain stupid, so they won’t understand. You can explain it to them countless times, but that ditch in their minds just won’t fill up.

  “Mhmm… They really are different than yours, Yukinoshita-san.” Yuigahama was disheartened and Yukinoshita had buried her head in her hands.

  As I watched their predicament, I munched on another cookie. “Hey, uh, I’ve been thinking: why are you guys trying to make delicious cookies?”

  “What?” Yuigahama looked at me, and her expression said, ‘What the hell are you saying, you virgin?’ It was a pretty condescending face, so I got a little annoyed.

  “Are you such a slut that you don’t understand anything? Are you stupid?”

  “I told you to stop calling me a slut!”

  “You really don’t understand the first thing about how guys think.”

  “There’s no way I could! I’ve never even gone out with anyone before! Well, I mean, a lot of my friends have boyfriends… So I was just following what they do, and this is how it turned out…” Yuigahama’s voice grew quieter and quieter as I listened, to the point where I couldn’t hear her at all.

  Speak clearly, okay? Clearly. Are you trying to emulate me how I act when the teacher picks on me in class?

  “The state of Yuigahama’s lower half isn’t the problem here. What are you trying to say in the end, Hikigaya-kun?”

  Well, what’s with ‘lower half…’ These days, I don’t even see that expression on the posters inside trains. Just how old are you?

  I paused for dramatic effect then laughed boastfully, as if I had the upper hand. "Hah… It seems as though the two of you have not had the pleasure of eating real home-made cookies. Come here after ten minutes, and then I'll let you taste 'real' home-made cookies.”

  "What did you say…? What a wonderful proposition. I'm looking forward to it, you know!" Maybe she found it offensive that I had rejected her
cookies, but Yuigahama said that, dragged Yukinoshita with her and disappeared into the hallway.

  Well, then… It was my turn to make a move in this battle. In other words, it was the point that would decide the final and ultimate solution to this problem.

  3-7

  The home economics room was soon enveloped by an ominous atmosphere.

  "Are these the 'real' homemade cookies? They're unevenly shaped and burnt here and there. They're…" Yukinoshita stared dubiously at the things in front of her.

  Then Yuigahama suddenly moved her head, peering at them from the side. "Hah, you talk big, but there's nothing special about these. Hilarious! They aren't even fit to eat!" She suddenly gave a derisive laugh… Or, rather, a roar of laughter. Damn you… You'd better remember saying that.