Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabu Kome wa Machigatteiru - Volume 01 Read online

  “I’m going to find a beautiful and distinguished woman to marry so that she’ll continue to support me till I die.”

  “I asked about employment! Give me a specific job!”

  “I already told you - House-husband.”

  “That’s what you call a gigolo! A dreadful way to live. They hint at the possibility of marriage and then before you know it they’re in your house and they’ve even got a duplicate house key made and not to mention that they’ve started to carry their bags in and then when it’s time to break up they even take my furniture with them like some damn hobo!” Hiratsuka sensei gushed, making to sure to divulge every last detail. She was talking so vehemently that she was drawing short breaths with tears welling up in her eyes.

  It was too pitiful.…So pitiful that I actually wanted to cheer her up.

  “Sensei, it’s okay! I won’t be like that. I’ll do the housework properly and become a gigolo that surpasses all other gigolos!”

  “What kind of crazy superstring theory is that?!”

  With my future aspirations trampled on, I was forced to come to a crossroads. My dream was on the verge of being shattered so I attempted to turn the argument in my favor.

  “It might sound bad if you call me a ‘gigolo’ but a full-time house-husband isn’t that bad of a choice.”

  “Hmm?” Hiratsuka sensei gave me an intense stare and leaned back in her chair with a creak. A position that said ‘I’ll listen, so give me what you got.’

  “Thanks to what you may call a gender equal society, it is only natural that women have already made social progress. Sensei being able to work as a teacher is proof of that.”

  “…Well, I suppose you’re right.”

  I think I’ve got her reeled in. Now I’ve just got to continue talking.

  “However, it only takes simple math to know that for the large amount of women who have entered the workforce, the same amount of men are out of jobs. I mean, isn’t the number of jobs always limited no matter what?”

  “Well…”

  “Take for example a certain company fifty years ago in which a hundred percent of the labor force was comprised of a hundred males. If fifty female employees are required to work there, it follows that fifty of the existing male employees must find employment elsewhere. But that’s an extremely simple calculation.

  If you consider the current economic slump, it’s only a matter of time before the employment of those male laborers falls into a state of decline.”

  As I laid out my argument, Hiratsuka was stroking her chin thoughtfully.

  “Keep going.”

  “Companies in themselves are becoming increasingly less dependent on human labor. This is a result of the widespread use of computers and the rise of the Internet allowing optimal efficiency, which has in turn improved the rate of efficiency per capita tremendously. Or if you ask for the general opinion of the public they might even say ‘It’s nice that you’re working so hard but it’s a little unsettling….’ And then there are things like work sharing too. Well something along those lines.”

  “Yes, that is an existing opinion.”

  “And because house hold appliances have had remarkable developments and become more diverse, no matter who uses them, the result is still the same. Even males can do household chores properly.”

  “No, wait a second.” Sensei interrupted my impassioned speech. She cleared her throat a little and immediately stared at me. “It’s kind of hard to know what to use where and where to put what…..so it’s not like it always turns out the way you want it to…”

  “Well that’s probably only for you.”

  “….What?” Her chair suddenly swivelled around as her foot delivered a kick to my shin. It hurt like hell. Then a burning glare was directed my way. I continued talking in an attempt to gloss over my words.

  “T-the point is! Considering we’ve worked so hard to build a society where one can get by without working, harping on about working and complaining that there aren’t enough jobs is just plain absurd and wrong!”

  A perfect conclusion. Work and you lose to the system. Work and you lose to the system.

  “….Right. You really as rotten as ever.” Sensei sighed loudly. Then immediately after, she grinned widely and laughed as though she’d just thought of something.

  “If a girl treated you to her home cooking at least once, I’m sure you would change that corrupt way of thinking….” With that sensei stood up and started shoving me by the shoulder towards the door.

  “Wa-wait! What are you doing?! Ow! I said that hurts!”

  “Come back when you’ve learnt the dignity of labor at the service club.” Then with a viselike grip on my shoulder, she harnessed all her strength and gave me a final shove outside the door.

  And just as I was about to turn around and complain, the door was ruthlessly slammed shut. I suppose that means ‘no objections, rebuttals, questions or back-talk’.

  Then as soon as I thought I might as well just ditch school, I felt a throbbing pain in my shoulder from the time sensei had clamped it just before……If I run away, I’ll probably get beaten up.

  The person who wired that conditioned reflex into me in such a short period of time is a terrible human being.

  Without any other choice, I decided to show up at the so-called service club of which one club activity seems to be solving riddles. Though it claims to be a club, I have no idea what club activities actually involve. Not to mention that the club president is even more of a mystery. What’s the hell’s up with her.

  3-2

  As per usual, Yukinoshita was reading a book.

  After exchanging only a light greeting, I moved a short distance away, pulled up a chair, and sat down. Then I took some books out of my bag.

  Right now, the service club had completely turned into a reading club for boys.[1] But seriously - what kind of stuff does this club do? And what the hell happened to that battle we’re meant to have?

  The answer to that suddenly became apparent with the sound of a visitor timidly knocking at the door. Yukinoshita stopped turning a page of her book and decidedly inserted a bookmark inside.

  “Come in.” She called, facing the door.

  “E-excuse me,” came a voice that was a little excited and may have indicated some nervousness. The door was then slid open only a little so that a small gap was apparent. The girl slipped her body in through the gap and entered the room. An action that could only mean she really didn’t want anyone seeing her come in.

  Her shoulder length brown hair was curled in loose waves that swayed as she walked. Her eyes moved around the room anxiously until they met mine. She let out a small shriek.

  ….What am I? A monster?

  “W-why is Hikki here?!”

  “…..I’m actually a member of this club.”

  Or should I say are you calling me ‘Hikki’? More importantly, who the hell is this chick anyway?

  Frankly, I have no idea. But despite that, she looked exactly like your typical high school girl. I’ve seen her type around a lot – a flamboyant girl revelling in her youth. Short skirt, three buttons of her blouse popped, hair dyed light brown, and a quick glance at her chest revealed a heart charm on a gleaming necklace. It was an outfit that completely defied the school code.

  I’ve no business with such girls. In fact, I have no business with any girls.

  However, it appeared that the opposite party knew who I was and it didn’t seem like it would go down well if I’d said “Excuse me but, who may you be?”

  Also, I noticed that the color of the ribbon pinned to her chest was red. In our school, each grade is distinguishable by a particularly coloured ribbon. A red ribbon meant she was in grade 11 like me.

  ….It’s not like I noticed because I was staring at her chest to begin with – it just happened to enter my line of sight…..By the way, they were pretty big…

  “Well just sit down for the time being.” I said and casually pulled up a chair, motio
ning for her to sit. My random act of chivalry was not a pretence for masking my guilty conscience. I wanted to impress my genuinely kind disposition upon her of course. Because you know I am a real gentleman. The fact that I wear really sophisticated clothing is proof enough.

  “Th-thank you….” She appeared bewildered as she accepted my offer and sat down quietly.

  Yukinoshita, who was sitting in front of her, made eye contact. “Yuigahama Yui-san right?”

  “Y-you know who I am?”

  Her face, Yuigahama Yui’s, suddenly lit up when her name was called. It was like being known by Yukinoshita gave you some kind of status.

  “You certainly know a lot…Do you remember everybody’s name in this school?” I asked.

  “Not at all. I didn’t know you existed.”

  “Is that so….”

  “It’s not really something to get depressed over. In fact, it was my mistake. I didn’t notice your diminutive presence and above all I unintentionally wished to avert my eyes from your existence. The blame lies with the weakness of my mind.”

  “Is that supposed some form of consolation? That’s a really lousy way to console someone. In the end, you pretty much concluded that it’s my fault.”

  “I wasn’t trying to console you. I was just being sarcastic.” Yukinoshita said, disregarding me as she flipped her hair over her shoulder.

  “This sorta….seems like a really fun club.” Yuigahama said as she looked at Yukinoshita and me with twinkling eyes.

  ….This girl – Is her mind just full of sunshine and daisies?

  “That remark isn’t particularly pleasing in any way…on the other hand, your misunderstanding is terribly displeasing.” Yukinoshita shot her a cold glare. As Yuigahama registered her words, she became flustered and frantically waved her hands in denial.

  “Uh, no, how do I put it? I was just thinking that you guys seem to be acting really natural! Like I mean, Hikki is like totally different from how he’s like in class. He’s like actually talking and stuff.”

  “No I can talk…saying that is a little…” Do I really look like I lack any communication skills?

  “Oh that’s right. Yuigahama-san is also in class F.”

  “What? Really?“ I asked.

  “Don’t tell me you really didn’t know that?” Yukinoshita asked in return.

  Yuigahama appeared startled by Yukinoshita’s words.

  Oh hell.

  I know the misery of a classmate not remembering who you are more than anyone. Therefore before making her experience that same misery, I attempted to cover up my mistake.

  “O-of course I know.”

  “….Why are you averting your eyes?” Yukinoshita asked.

  Yuigahama looked at me with scornful eyes. “Well isn’t that why, Hikki, you don’t have any friends in class? I mean you act weird and it’s creepy.”

  Oh that’s right, I remember this girl’s scornful eyes. Of course, the other girls in my class have also occasionally looked at me like I was piece of shit. She must be part of that clique that hangs around the soccer club a lot.

  What the hell. Isn't she one of my enemies then? I just wasted my time trying to be nice.

  “…..This bitch.” I inadvertently swore under my breath.

  “What? Who are you calling a bitch?!” Yuigahama lashed out in response. “I’m still a vir-….. w-woah! Never mind!” She blushed furiously and waved her hands back and forth in an attempt to take back her words. What an airhead.

  Yukinoshita began to say something as if to save Yuigahama from her panic. “It’s not really something to be embarrassed about. At this age being a virg-”

  “W-woah hold up! What are you saying?! It’s embarrassing still being one in grade 11! Yukinoshita-san, where’s your sense of femininity?!”

  “…..A pointless thing to value.”

  Woah there, I don’t know how but Yukinoshita just increased her coldness a hundred fold.

  “Even if you say that, the word ‘femininity’ just screams ‘bitch’ to me.” I added in.

  “You said it again! Calling someone a bitch is way out of line! Hikki, you’re so gross!” Yuigahama made a small derisive growl and looked at me with teary eyes.

  “Me calling you a bitch has nothing to do with being gross. And don’t call me ‘Hikki’.” Isn’t that exactly like calling me a hikikomori?[2]…...Oh, she must’ve meant it as an insult in that way. That must be some kind of derogatory nickname people in my class have for me.

  …..Isn’t that too mean? I was about to start tearing up at that.

  Gossiping isn’t any good.

  That’s why I say things upfront and loud and clear. Because if they don’t hear me it from me directly, I can’t inflict any damage!

  “You bitch.”

  “Y-you! You’re so annoying! Like seriously gross! Can’t you just go fucking die?!”

  Upon hearing those words, even I being so mild I’d get as irritated as a safety razor could make you, was forced into silence.

  There are a lot of words in this world that shouldn’t be said. In particular, this is greatly reinforced by words concerning other peoples’ lives. If you aren’t prepared to take responsibility for taking someone’s life then you don’t have the right to say those things. With the intent to reprimand her, after a moment of silence, I gave a solemn response with a markedly furious tone.

  “You shouldn’t say things like ‘go die’ or ‘I’ll kill you’ so lightly or I’ll make you bite the dust.”

  “….Uh…, s-sorry. I didn’t mean to…..wait what?! You just said it now! You totally said you’d kill me!”

  She might’ve noticed but Yuigahama is really just an airhead. But what was surprising was that she seemed like the kind of girl who could actually apologize properly.

  She seemed a little different from what I’d envisioned judging by her appearance. I was certain she would be the same as the girls in her group and not to mention those guys in the soccer club and the people around them. I thought her head would always be filled with thoughts of sex, drugs and fooling around. Like some kind of Murakami Ryuu novel.[3]

  Yuigahama let out a small sigh as though being hyper made her tired.

  “…..Hey um I heard this from Hiratsuka sensei but this club fulfils students’ desires right?” Yuigahama broke the short moment of silence.

  “For real?” I put in. I was sure that this was a club for reading books to no end. Yukinoshita completed ignored my question and answered Yuigahama’s.

  “I believe it differs a little. Ultimately, the aim of this club only lies in lending people a hand. Whether or not that fulfils your desires depends upon you.” Yukinoshita’s blunt denial seemed somewhat cold.

  “How is it different?” Yuigahama asked with a dubious expression. That was exactly what I was wondering.

  “Would you give a hungry man a fish or would you teach him how to fish? That is where the difference lies. Essentially, a volunteer does not provide results but a methodology. I suppose ‘ to encourage independence’ would be the most accurate answer.”

  Her speech seemed like something pulled straight out of a textbook on morals. An empty principle any goddamn school would preach - ‘club activities that allow students to demonstrate their ability to act independently as well as with others’. I’m sure my general understanding of the club’s activities as that would be correct. And well, sensei also said something or rather about labor so it must be a club that works for the sake of the student body.

  “That’s kinda really awesome!” Yuigahama exclaimed with a look that said ‘You opened my eyes so I totally get it now!’ I was a little worried that she might get brainwashed by some satanic religion in the future.

  Yukinoshita’s explanation held no basis in science yet big breasted girls are often the ones who….or so goes one such existing opinion in society but I believe I could say that she is the first example of that.

  On the other hand, with a chest as flat as a wall, sharp intelligence and
unrivalled sagacity was Yukinoshita.

  “Although I cannot say for sure that I will fulfil your wishes, I will help you as much as I can.”

  Upon hearing those words, Yuigahama spoke up as though she’d suddenly remembered what she had come here for.

  “Hey! Um I was kind of thinking about making some cookies….” Yuigahama said and glanced at me.

  I’m not really a cookie you know. I get that in class people treat me like I’m not even there but even those words sound the same, they’re different.