Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabu Kome wa Machigatteiru - Volume 01 Read online

  “Let’s go.” Hiratsuka sensei said and attempted to grab my arm. I evaded her. Without hesitating, she reached out her hand again. I barely dodged her again.

  “Umm, you see…I think that well, among other things, our education system is supposed to encourage and respect students’ independence…so I would like to object to the way I am being forced to do this…”

  “Unfortunately, schools are institutions that are designed to train students to become well-integrated citizens of society. Once you go out into society nobody is going to care about your opinion. So you’d better start getting used to being forced to do things.” As soon as sensei had said that, her fist came flying at me.

  She didn’t give me a regular punch but a full-blown body blow with her clenched fist drilling into me like a screw. It was so powerful I couldn’t breath. Then without missing a second, she stopped trying to kill me and gripped my hand instead.

  “You know what’ll happen if you try and bail again, right? Don’t try and provoke my fist.”

  “Are you really dead set on using your fist…”

  There’s no way the pain could get any worse.

  As we were walking, Hiratsuka sensei opened her mouth as though she’d remembered something.

  “Oh that’s right. If you try to escape again you will lose the match with Yukinoshita by default. No buts allowed. In addition, you will be penalized. It’d be best not to expect that you will be able to graduate in your final year.”

  There was definitely no way I was getting out of this anytime soon. Not mentally either for that matter. As the sound of her heels click clacking on the floor resounded, sensei walked beside me. To make things worse, she gripped my arm. Any other circumstance and it would have looked like sensei was a bar hostess cosplaying as a teacher who was escorting me to her cosplay cabaret.

  But there were three things that were different. Firstly, I wasn’t paying her any money. Secondly, she wasn’t actually gripping my arm but the end of my elbow. Lastly, I wasn’t happy or excited at all. Well except for the fact that the end of my elbow was touching sensei’s breast.

  The only place she’s taking me right now is that clubroom.

  “Um, I’m not going to run away or anything so I’ll be okay going by myself. I mean you know I’m always alone. I’m totally fine by myself. Or rather, if I’m not by myself I can’t keep my composure.”

  “Don’t say such sad things. I want us to go together.” Sensei gave a soft sigh and smiled gently. It was totally different from the usual narrowed eyes she looks at me with. The difference startled me.

  “Letting you escape would be enough to make me grind my teeth. So even if I don’t want to, I’ll have to drag you there to ease my mental stress.”

  “That’s the worst excuse ever!”

  “How should I put it? Even though I’m absolutely fed up with all this, I’m still accompanying you there for the sake of straightening you out. This is what you would call a beautiful bond of love between a teacher and her student.”

  “This is love? If this is love then I don’t need it.”

  “Well that excuse just shows that you really are twisted, doesn’t it?.....So twisted that your pressure points are reversed? Are you going to be constructing the Holy Cross Mausoleum or something?”[3]

  You seriously love manga too much…

  “If you were a little more compliant you’d be cuter. It can’t be much fun looking at the world through that distorted view of yours.”

  “Well it’s not like the world is full of sunshine and daisies. If society was only shaped by the view that one must be happy-go-lucky all the time, Hollywood wouldn’t make tear-jerking movies would they? One can find pleasure in tragedies.”

  “Making speeches like that must be pretty typical for you. Although it’s pretty common for young people to be cynical, for you it’s already an illness. An illness characteristic of eleventh graders. Yeah you really do have ‘kounibyou’.”[4]

  Hiratsuka sensei wore a brilliant smile as she confirmed my ‘illness’.

  “Hey, isn’t that a little too harsh? Treating me like I have an illness. I mean what the hell is ‘kounibyou’ anyway?”

  “Do you like manga and anime?” Ignoring my request for an explanation, she changed the subject.

  “Well, I don’t dislike it or anything.”

  “So why do you like it?”

  “Well that’s because…….It’s representative of Japanese culture. It’s also a part of pop culture that is recognised as the pride of Japan. Wouldn’t it be strange if I didn’t acknowledge that fact? Since the domestic market is becoming larger, we can’t ignore it on an economic front either.”

  “I see. How about general literature, then? Higashino Keigo and Isaka Koutarou4 and the like?”[5]

  “Well I have read them but honestly, I like the books they wrote before they became popular.”

  “What are you favorite light novel publishing labels?”

  “Gagaga….and Kodansha Box[6]. Well I don’t know if you can consider what Kodansha Box publishes as light novels though. Why are you asking me all this stuff?”

  “Well. You’ve really met my expectations – not in a good way. A perfect instance of kounibyou.”

  “Like I said, what the hell is ‘kounibyou’?….”

  “Kounibyou is simply Kounibyou. A common state of mind experienced by high school students. They think that being cynical is cool and always express views that are popular on the internet such as ‘Work and you lose to the system’.[7] When referring to popular novelists and manga writers, they say ‘I like the books they wrote before they became popular’. They mock things that everybody worships and praise those that are obscure. And on top of that, they make fun of otakus even though they are like them. While giving off an air like they understand everything, they spout twisted logic. Basically, they’re unlikable.”

  “Unlikable…. Crap! That’s pretty much spot on so I can’t refute!”

  “No, I’m kind of praising you. Students are actually quite clever these days and come to terms with reality quite easily. As a teacher, it’s not as if I find it fun to point out your faults. I mean considering the way that I’m talking to you like you’re an adult it feels like we’re working right now.”

  “Students these days, huh?” I couldn’t help the wry smile that crept across my face. What a cliché thing to say. Feeling kind of pissed off, I thought about responding with a slight retort. However after noticing sensei staring hard into my eyes, I just shrugged my shoulders.

  “It looked like you were just about to say something but it was probably something completely characteristic of someone with kounibyou”

  “….Oh really.”

  “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea but I’m seriously kind of praising you. I like people who stick to their ideas. Even though they may be twisted.”

  Having her say ‘like’ so suddenly could only leave me stumped for words like an idiot. I found myself worrying about trying to find a retort to counter words I wasn’t used to hearing.

  “Being as twisted as you are, what do you think of Yukinoshita Yukino?”

  “She’s a bitch.” I immediately replied. I hated her so much that it was as though sensei had said ‘I think you should give up on “Concrete Road”.’[8]

  “I see.” Hiratsuka sensei said with a bitter smile. “Although, she really is an extraordinarily excellent student….Well, those who ‘have’ may indeed suffer just by ‘having’. But still, she is a very sweet girl.”

  In what way? I thought, shaking my head in my mind.

  “She would certainly have some kind of ‘illness’ too. She’s kind and occasionally right. But society is neither kind nor righteous. I’m sure it’s a hard way to live.”

  “Putting aside the fact that she’s righteous and kind, I’m sure most of society would agree with you.” As soon as I said that, sensei looked at me as if to say ‘That’s what I was thinking.’

  “As I expected
you are – the both of you are quite contrary. I’m worried about the fact that neither of you seem like you’ll be able to adapt to society well. That’s why I want to bring you both to the same place.”

  “Would that be an isolation ward?.....”

  “Yeah probably. I like watching students like you two, its fun. So maybe it’s just that I want the both of you to be close by.” She laughed cheerfully.

  Then, like always, she had trapped me in an armlock. Both her arms locked mine around her torso so that they were held straight.[9] This mixed martial arts type move was probably influenced by manga. As my elbows made this unpleasant creaking sound, they kept rubbing up against sensei’s huge bust.

  …..Jeez. As per usual, I’m finding it difficult to escape after having her pull a perfect move on me. It’s vexing but it shouldn't be long before I have to just give in to this feeling.

  No actually I’m already done for.

  At that point I thought, since there are two breasts, ‘bust’ should be pluralized as ‘busts’.

  2-2

  Once we reached the special building, sensei finally released me. Maybe she had finally stopped worrying about me running away. Nevertheless, she kept glancing in my direction as she left me there. She didn’t express any sentiment that was remotely compassionate by saying something like ‘I’m sorry to part with you’ or ‘I hate to leave you…’. The only vibe she was giving off was an intense will to kill that was saying ‘You understand what will happen if you run away right?...’

  I smiled wryly at that as I walked down the hallway.

  There was dead silence at one end of the special building and the air was chilly.

  There should have been other clubs going on but I hadn’t heard any noises that it indicated it as such, yet. I didn’t know if it was because this was the special building or if it was because of her. A result of the strange aura Yukinoshita Yukino was emitting.

  I put my hand on the door to open it. Honestly, I was feeling depressed but on the other hand the thought of running away irritated me too. The important thing is not to let anything she says get to me. I shouldn’t think about us being alone together. I should just think of her being there and me being there separately.

  If there’s no relation between us, I wouldn’t have to feel awkward and uncomfortable.

  And so today it begins: the first way to prevent feeling scared of being alone – ‘If you see a stranger, think of them as a stranger.’ Incidentally, there isn’t a second way.

  Basically, awkwardness is a result of thoughts such as ‘If I don’t say something…’ and ‘If I don’t try and get along with her…’ gnawing at your mind.

  It’s the same as how someone sitting next to another person on a train wouldn’t be thinking ‘Crap! We’re alone together! This is so awkward!’.

  If I think of it like that, I can get over this whole thing. It would be good if she was just silently reading a book or something.

  As I opened the clubroom door, I saw Yukinoshita sitting there reading a book in the exact same position as yesterday.

  “…..”

  It was a good thing I opened the door but then I found myself wondering whether it would be a good idea to say something. Anyway, I just gave her a brief nod and moved past her.

  Yukinoshita just gave me a quick glance and then a second later her eyes returned to her paperback book.

  “At this distance, in this room – Are you being ostracized?”

  She completely ignored me and I felt like I just vanished into thin air. Isn’t this exactly like how I feel like in the classroom?

  “That’s a strange greeting. What tribe does it originate from?”

  “…..Good afternoon.” I uttered a greeting I’d learned in nursery school, unable to bear her caustic remark. Yukinoshita smiled in response.

  This is probably the first time Yukinoshita Yukino has shown me her smile. As she smiled, I learned whether or not she had dimples or a double tooth peeking out. In other words, she was cute. Something I didn’t care about at all.

  “Good afternoon. I thought you weren’t going to come anymore.” That smile of hers was certainly foul play. It was on the same level as Maradona’s ‘Hand of God’.[1]

  “I-it’s not that big of a deal! If I didn’t turn up I’d lose so that’s the only reason! D-don’t get the wrong idea!” This was a little like a romantic comedy type conversation. However we’re playing opposite roles – it’s like I’m the girl and she’s the guy. This sucks after all.

  I didn’t get the feeling Yukinoshita was particularly offended by my remark. That is to say, on the other hand, she continued conversation like she didn’t even care about my response.

  “When one is lambasted to that degree, they wouldn’t normally come again….Are you a masochist?”

  “No…..”

  “A stalker, then?”

  “Wrong again. Hey, why are you assuming that I’ve got a thing for you?”

  “You don’t?”

  This bitch. She nonchalantly cocked her head in puzzlement and made a confused face! It was a little cute but I’m not buying any of it!

  “As if! Even I’m put off by that presumptuous attitude of yours.”

  “Yes, I was convinced that you liked me.” Yukinoshita said without being particularly surprised. Rather, she wore her usual, unchanging cold expression.

  Of course, Yukinoshita has a cute face. Cute enough that even I, who has no friends and interacts with no one in this school, know of its existence.

  There is no room for doubt about the fact that she is one of the most beautiful girls in the school.

  However, her self-confident behavior is abnormal.

  2-3

  “How were you brought up to be so naïve? Was everyday your birthday? Or was Santa Claus your lover?” If that weren’t the case, her mind wouldn’t be trapped in this delusion of happiness.

  If she were to keep going at this rate, it surely wouldn’t be any different from going through a painful experience. She’d better change the way she’s going before she passes the point of no return.

  It seemed some compassion from within the deep recesses of my mind surfaced. I decided to choose my words carefully and convey the message indirectly.

  “Yukinoshita. You’re abnormal. You’re totally delusional. Get a lobotomy or something.”

  “Is that you trying to be frank for my own good?” Yukinoshita chuckled and looked in my direction, but her eyes weren’t laughing – they were scary.

  But well I didn’t say she was garbage or worthless or anything like that. She could have at least commended me for that. Frankly, if her face wasn’t cute, I’m sure I would have hit her.

  “Well, considering your low social standing you may perceive me as strange. However, it’s only natural that I came to think this way.

  It’s something I derived from experience.” Yukinoshita laughed with her shoulders pulled back proudly. The fact that even that kind of gesture could look good on Yukinoshita was a mystery.

  “Derived from experience you say….”

  She must be alluding to experiences of a romantic kind. It’s obvious if you simply consider her appearance.

  “You’re talking about your super fun school life…” I murmured with a sigh.

  “Yes, yes. That’s right. It would be correct to say that I’m actually leading quite a peaceful school life.“ Yukinoshita responded at once. Despite that, for some reason Yukinoshita had a distant look in her eyes and her gaze was directed away from me. Thanks to that I found myself thinking that the gentle curve of the outline of her chin to her neck was beautiful. A piece of information so worthless, I could die.

  Upon watching her, I just realized something. Well, if I had just kept my cool I would have noticed it instantly but this natural born stuck up who puts herself on a pedestal couldn’t possibly maintain relationships with normal people. Therefore, there’s no way she would have something like a peaceful school life.

  Maybe I sh
ould just go ahead and ask….

  “Hey, do you have any friends?” As soon as I said that, Yukinoshita turned her head.

  “....Well first explain where the definition of a friend begins and ends.”

  “Ah, say no more. That’s a line somebody with no friends would say.”

  Take it from me.

  Well, in all seriousness, I have no idea what boundaries the term ‘friend’ would be defined by. I wish someone would just explain to me how a friend differs from an acquaintance. Would someone you see once be a friend and someone you see everyday a sibling? Mido faado reshi sorao?[1] Why is that last ‘o’ the only sound that’s not part of the scale? That much was bothering me.