Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabu Kome wa Machigatteiru - Volume 01 Read online

  So you really can tell by just looking?

  Sensei turned to face Yukinoshita and said, “If he could learn how to be sociable he might just clean up his act a little. Can I leave him to you? I'm requesting that you straighten out his corrupt, reclusive disposition.”

  “If that's how it is, I think it would be a good idea if you beat and kick discipline into him,” Yukinoshita replied grudgingly.

  ……What a scary woman.

  “I would if it was something I could do, but lately I’ve been having some problems myself. Also, physical violence isn't permitted.”

  …It's like she's saying psychological violence is completely okay.

  “I respectfully decline. That boy's lecherous eyes are filled with hidden intent that makes me feel that my life is in danger.” Yukinoshita set about readjusting her collar, which was not particularly out of place to begin with, and glared at me.

  I'm not looking at that extremely modest chest of yours……Wait, am I? No, no I'm not, I'm really not looking. It just entered my line of sight for a bit and I was momentarily distracted.

  “Don't worry, Yukinoshita. Since his eyes and heart are both corrupt, he is quite adept at self-preservation and calculating the trade-off between the benefits and risks of doing something. He would never do something that would result in a criminal charge. You can trust his petty thug nature.”

  “That's not a compliment at all…Aren't you mistaken? It's not about self-preservation and analyzing risk-benefits, I'd rather you just say that I'm capable of making sensible judgements.”

  “A petty thug…..I see……,” Yukinoshita said.

  “You're not even listening to me and you ended up agreeing with her…”

  Was Hiratsuka sensei successful in persuading her or did my petty thug nature win her trust? No matter which way it was, Yukinoshita had come to see me as everything I didn't want to be seen as.

  “Well, if it's a request from sensei, I can't very well refuse……I accept.” Yukinoshita said with incredible distaste.

  Sensei smiled with satisfaction. “Okay. Then, I'll leave the rest to you.” And with that, she left the room with haste.

  I was left standing there alone.

  1-3

  Honestly, I would be feeling a whole lot less stressed if they had just let left me by myself. Being in an isolated environment, as I usually am, would make me feel more at ease. The sound of the clock's second hand was so dreadfully slow that I could hear it tick loudly.

  Hey, wait, is this for real? A sudden romantic comedy development? An incredible blanket of tension just came over the room. I had no complaints about the situation.

  Suddenly, I recalled a bittersweet memory from junior high school.

  It's after school. There are two students alone in a classroom. The curtains sway with the light breeze, and as the rays of the setting sun stream through, a young boy gathers his courage and confesses.

  I can still clearly remember that girl's voice. 'Can't we just be friends?'

  Ah no, this is a bad memory. We never even spoke again after that let alone stayed friends. Thanks to that, I ended up wondering if friendship was a relationship in which people didn’t have even have conversations with each other.

  Well, the point is, being alone together with a beautiful girl in a locked room like some kind of romantic comedy would never happen to me in real life. Now that I’m highly trained, there's no way I would fall into such a trap.

  Girls are shown to be interested in hotties and popular people. They also engage in impure relationships with them. The thought of it made me snigger.

  In other words, they are my enemies.

  Up until now, I've endeavored to make sure that I would never experience that again. The quickest way to avoid getting caught up in a romantic comedy development is by being hated. Lose the battle to win the war. I'll do anything to protect my pride so I don't need things like popularity!

  That said, in lieu of a greeting, I decided to intimidate Yukinoshita by scowling at her. Wild beasts kill with their eyes!

  Grrrrr ─!

  In response, Yukinoshita glanced at me like I was a piece of trash. She narrowed her large eyes as if to half-close them and let out a cold sigh. Then, with a voice like the murmuring of a clear stream, she spoke to me.

  “……How about you stop standing there, making those disgusting growling noises, and just sit down?”

  “Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

  ……Woah, what was with those eyes just now? A wild beast?

  They would have certainly killed five people. Just like how that singer, Matsushima Tomoko, got caught in that leopard's mouth.[1] Did I just end up instinctively and unconsciously apologizing to her? Even without me intentionally trying to intimidate her, Yukinoshita had regarded me with hostility. Deeply unnerved, I pulled up an empty chair and sat down.

  Afterwards, Yukinoshita didn't show me an ounce of concern. At some point in time, the paperback book had been opened again. The sound of the pages flipping ensued. I couldn't tell what she was reading by the cover, but I figured it must have been some kind of literary work. Something like Salinger, Hemingway or Tolstoy. That's the kind of impression she gave.

  Yukinoshita is like some kind of noble much in the way that she is an honor student and also because no matter what, she would always be a beautiful girl. But as is normal for such elite people, Yukinoshita Yukino is cut off from any social circles. Just like her name, yuki no shita no yuki (The snow beneath the snow), however beautiful she is, she is untouchable and unobtainable. The only thing one can do is ponder her beauty.

  Honestly, I never thought that through this absurd turn of events, I could be acquainted with her. I'm sure if I boasted about it to my friends, they'd be jealous. Even though I don't have friends I could boast to.

  And so, what should I do with Miss Beautiful, here?

  “Is something wrong?”

  It was probably because I was staring at her for too long, but Yukinoshita furrowed her brows in displeasure and stared right back at me.

  “Ah, my bad. I was thinking about what I should do about all this.”

  “About what?”

  “Well I mean, it's just that I was brought here with nothing but a confusing explanation.”

  In place of a ‘tsk-tsk’, she expressed her annoyance by vehemently snapping her book shut. Then after glaring at me with her eyes, as though I was a mere bug, she breathed a sigh of resignation and uttered a few words.

  “……I suppose you're right. Then let's play a game.”

  “A game?”

  “Yes. A game which requires you to guess what kind of club this is. So then, what kind of club is this?”

  A game with a beautiful girl in a locked room…..

  I can only feel that there is some kind of erotic element to this, however the vibes she was giving off weren't light-hearted, but rather like that of a sharpened knife. So sharp that I wondered if my life would end if I lost. Where did that romantic comedy atmosphere go? Isn't this more like Kaiji?[2]

  Giving into the pressure, I began to run a cold sweat as I surveyed the inside of the room, trying to find a clue.

  “Are there any other club members?”

  “No, there aren't.”

  Is this club even able to continue as a club? I highly doubt it. To put it plainly, there are no hints.

  No, wait. On the contrary, there has been nothing but hints. Not to boast but ever since I was little I was extremely good at one-player games, having few friends.

  I have quite a bit of confidence in gamebooks[3] and riddles. I think I could even win in one of those high school quiz shows. Well if it's a club that can't recruit other members, then other members can’t participate. There are a lot of things I can gather from this. If I organize my thoughts from the beginning, the answer should become obvious.

  “A literary club?”

  “Really...? Your reason being?” Yukinoshita questioned with great interest.

  "The p
eculiar setting, the lack of any need for special equipment and that despite the fact that there aren't enough members the club hasn't been abolished. In other words, it’s a club that doesn't require any expenses. In addition, you were reading a book. The answer was apparent from the start."

  Flawless reasoning, if I do say so myself. Even without an elementary school kid with glasses saying 'Wah...really?' and giving me hints, something like this was a piece of cake.[4]

  It would even make Miss Yukino show some admiration and say 'I see...' with a small huff.

  "Incorrect." Yukinoshita gave a short and scornful laugh.

  …..Now, this is getting on my nerves. Who the hell said you were the irreproachable, perfect superman? You’re more like the demon superman.[5]

  “Then what kind of club is this?” Despite the irritation in my voice, Yukinoshita made no motion that she was bothered by it. She made it clear that the game would continue.

  “All right, I’ll give you the biggest hint. My being here, doing what I am, is the club’s activities.”

  Finally she gives me a hint. But it isn’t related to the answer at all. Eventually I’ll just end up arriving at the same conclusion as before – a literary club.

  No, wait. Just wait a minute and calm down. Cool it. Be cool, Hikigaya Hachiman.

  She said ‘there aren’t any other club members apart from me.’ Yet the club is still functioning.

  In other words, does that mean there are phantom members? Then the twist in the story would be that the phantom members really are phantoms. And in the very end, my romantic comedy would be slated to develop between a beautiful phantom girl and me.

  “An occult research society!”

  “I told you it was a club…”

  “O-occult research club!”

  “Wrong……That’s ridiculous. Ghosts don’t exist.”

  Without displaying the least bit of cuteness by saying something like ‘B-because you know, they really don’t exist! I’m not saying that because I’m scared or something!’ she used all her power to look at me with the most scornful eyes. They were the kind of eyes that said ‘Idiots should die.’

  “I give up. I don't have a clue.”

  1-4

  As if I’d figure it out with just that. You should’ve made it simpler. Something like, ‘There is a flood of tears above but a blazing house fire below, why?’[1] Wouldn't that be because your house is actually on fire? At any rate, this isn’t a guessing game but a riddle.

  “Hikigaya-kun. How many years has it been since you’ve talked to a girl?”

  She went ahead and asked such a sudden and irrelevant question to shatter my line of reasoning. Some nerve this girl has.

  I’m pretty confident in my ability to retain information. I can remember the kind of trivial conversations that most people would forget - to the point where the girls in my class treated me like a stalker. According to my superior hippocampus, the last time I talked to a girl was two years ago in June.

  Girl: ‘It’s pretty hot today huh?’

  Me: ‘More like humid, don’t you think?’

  Girl: ‘What?...…Oh…Um…yeah, I guess’

  End.

  It went something like that. Well except for the fact that she wasn’t actually talking to me but to the girl sitting diagonally behind me. Humans more often remember unpleasant memories. Even now, every time I recall that incident in the middle of the night, I get the urge to pull the covers over my head and scream.

  Just as I was reliving that horrendous incident, Yukinoshita made a loud proclamation.

  “Those that possess much are motivated by charity to give to those who do not. People call this volunteer work. Providing development assistance to developing countries, organizing soup-runs for the homeless, allowing an unpopular boy the opportunity to talk to a girl. Extending a helping hand to those in need. That is what this club does.”

  At some point, Yukinoshita had stood up. Naturally, she was looking down at me. “Welcome to the service club. I invite you.”

  The fact that she didn’t sound very welcoming was apparent by the way she said it straight to my face. That made me a little teary-eyed. She just kept rubbing salt onto my wounds, depressing me even further.

  “According to Hiratsuka sensei, it is the duty of those who are superior to save those who lead a pitiable existence.

  I will make sure that I accomplish what she requested of me and fulfill this responsibility. I will rectify your problem. Show some gratitude.”

  Perhaps what she’s alluding to is ‘noblesse oblige’. A French phrase referring to the moral obligation of the noble to display honorable and generous conduct. Yukinoshita standing there with her arms folded certainly spelled nobility. In fact, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call her noble, considering her grades and her outward appearance.

  “This bitch……”

  But, I must say no more. I ought to wield all the words I have at my disposal to explain that I am not one to be pitied.

  “…. You know, even though it’s me saying it, I’m actually fairly superior myself. I ranked third in the Japanese Proficiency exam! I’m pretty good-looking! If you disregard the fact that I don’t have a girlfriend or any friends, I’m basically top of the line.”

  “Though I’m sure I heard you mention a fatal flaw towards the end…In a way, it’s amazing you can say all that so confidently. You’re a weirdo. I’m already creeped out.”

  “Shut up. I don’t want to hear that from a weird girl like you.”

  She really is weird. At least that is what the rumors say. Rumors that I just happened to hear since I don’t recall ever talking to someone. They say that Yukinoshita is very different from the girl she appears to be.

  That probably means she’s a so-called cool beauty. And right now she wore a cold smile. To use a better descriptive word, a sadistic smile.

  “Hm…Based on my observations, it seems that your loneliness is a result of your corrupt mind and cynical temperament.” Yukinoshita concluded, eagerly. “Firstly, I will find a place for you in society. Given that you’re so pitiable, I just can’t leave you alone. Did you know? Just by finding a place to belong in, one can escape the tragic fate of burning up to produce a star.”

  “ ‘The Nighthawk’s Star’[2], right? That’s pretty nerdy.” If I wasn’t the culturally aware prodigy who placed third in the Japanese Proficiency exam, I wouldn’t have gotten that reference. Also, since it’s a story I like, I remember it well. It was so tragic that I actually cried. It’s the kind of story that is well liked by everyone.

  In response to my retort, Yukinoshita’s eyes widened in surprise. “…..I’m astonished. I never imagined that a below average high school boy would read the works of Miyazawa Kenji.”

  “Did you just belittle me?”

  “I’m sorry. That may have been a bit of an exaggeration. Just short of average is probably the correct thing to say.”

  “Don’t you mean a bit too much of an exaggeration?! Didn’t you hear me say I ranked third in the grade?!”

  “To be full of yourself just because you ranked third once is pathetic. Considering the results of an examination in one subject as indicative of one’s sharp intellect is also pathetic.”

  ….This girl. There is a limit to how rude one can be. For her to be treating a guy she just met as belonging to an inferior race, I must only have as much knowledge as the Prince of all Saiyans.[3]

  “Although, ‘The Nighthawk’s star’ suits you perfectly. Take for example, the Nighthawk’s physical appearance.”

  “Are you saying that my face is disfigured?....”

  “That’s not what I’m trying to say. I’m just saying that sometimes the truth hurts…”

  “Aren't you practically saying the same thing?!”

  At this point, Yukinoshita took on a serious expression as she rested her hand on my shoulder. “You should not look away from the truth. Look into a mirror to see reality.”

  “Hey, just wait a
minute. Though it might be me saying it, my features are quite handsome. Enough to have my sister tell me, ‘Onii-chan, if only you didn’t talk at all…’ Which is virtually the same as saying, the only thing good about me is my looks.”

  As expected of my sister. She has a good eye. Which, on the contrary, is something that the girls in this school lack!

  Yukinoshita placed a hand on her temple as though she had a headache. “Are you an idiot? Beauty is not something that can be decided about oneself subjectively. In other words, as we are the only two people in this room, my objective opinion is the only correct opinion.”