Yahari Ore no Seishun Rabu Kome wa Machigatteiru - Volume 01 Page 3

  “D-despite being confusing, somehow your argument makes sense…”

  “To start with, eyes such as yours which emulate those of a rotten fish, would invariably leave a bad impression. I’m not criticizing your facial features but rather your facial expression, which is unattractive. It is proof of your considerably twisted nature.”

  As she talked, Yukinoshita’s face was certainly cute, but on the inside, it was different. The look in her eyes was comparable to that of a criminal. She and I both lack any cutesy charm.

  ……But despite that, do my eyes really look like those of a fish? If I was a girl I could interpret it as a plus saying, ‘What? Do I really look like the Little Mermaid?’

  Just as I was busy distracting myself with my musings, Yukinoshita flipped her hair over her shoulder and said, as if in triumph, “The point is, being self-confident in superficial aspects such as grades or physical appearance is unappealing. Not to mention those rotten eyes of yours.”

  “Enough with the eyes already!”

  “Yes, I suppose even if I say any more than this, it won’t change anything.”

  “You can start by apologizing to my parents.”

  I could feel my face twitch in anticipation of her response. It soon appeared that even Yukinoshita’s expression became despondent as she reflected on her words.

  “I certainly said some horrible things. It must be painful for your parents.”

  “Please just stop, it’s my fault. No, it’s my face’s fault.” I entreated, on the verge of getting teary-eyed. Finally, Yukinoshita put an end to her steely words. I quickly realized that it was useless saying anything. And as I became immersed in a vision of myself sitting at the foot of Buddha’s tree, meditating with the aim to attain enlightenment, Yukinoshita continued conversation.

  “Well then, that completes this conversation simulation. If you can converse with a girl like me, then you should be able to talk to just about anybody.” Smoothing her hair with her right hand, Yukinoshita gave an expression that was brimming with a sense of accomplishment. Then she smiled pleasantly. “Now you have this spectacular memory to hold in your heart that will keep you going even when you’re alone.”

  “Isn’t that solution just wishful thinking on your part?”

  “But if that’s so, then it wouldn’t fulfill sensei’s request...I have approach it on an elementary level…like for example, having you stop school.”

  “That isn’t a solution. That’s just like covering up a stench.”[4]

  “Ah, so you are aware of the fact that you're a nuisance?”[5]

  "Is that why I receive these foul glares and people avoid me?” I attempted to respond with a play on words, but to no avail.

  “…So annoying.”

  After I laughed at my somewhat witty remark, Yukinoshita glared at me as if to say ‘Why are you even alive?’ Like I said, her eyes were scary.

  Then a silence descended upon the room – enough to make my ears hurt. Actually it was probably also because I let Yukinoshita say whatever she wanted that my ears hurt.

  However, the silence was soon shattered, as the door was violently pulled open with a resounding clatter.

  1-5

  “Yukinoshita. I’m coming in.”

  “I told you to knock…” Yukinoshita sighed.

  “Sorry, sorry. Don't mind me and just continue as you were. I just thought I’d stop by and see how you’re doing.” Hiratsuka sensei gave Yukinoshita a generous smile, and leaned against the classroom wall. She then looked back and forth between Yukinoshita and me.

  “It’s nice that you two are getting along with each other.”

  What made you draw that conclusion?

  “Hikigaya, keep up the good work and focus on straightening out that cynical temperament and curing those rotten eyes of yours. I’ll be heading back now. Just make sure you head home before the end of the school day.”

  “P-please just wait a second!” I grabbed sensei’s hand in an attempt to stop her. In that instant-

  “Ow! Owwwww! I give up! I give up!”

  She had me in an armlock. After I frantically tapped out and admitted defeat, she finally let me go.

  “Oh it was just you Hikigaya. Don’t just carelessly stand behind me because I’ll instinctively unleash my powerful techniques on you.”

  “What are you, Golgo[1]? Besides, aren’t you the careless one? Don’t do that so suddenly!”

  “Aren’t you demanding?...Anyway, what’s the problem?”

  “The problem is you....what do you mean by ‘straighten out’? Doesn’t that make me sound like a juvenile delinquent? Just what the hell is this all about?”

  Hiratsuka sensei rubbed her chin thoughtfully for a moment.

  “Didn’t Yukinoshita explain it to you? Basically, the main aim of this club is to help people solve their problems by encouraging self-improvement. I guide students who I believe require self-improvement to this club. You can think of it as the Hyperbolic Time Chamber[2]. Or perhaps Revolutionary Girl Utena[3], if that makes it easier to understand.”

  “It made it even more difficult to understand and just illustrates how old you are.”

  “What did you just say?”

  “….Nothing at all.” I murmured retreating into myself after being shot by the terribly frosty expression she gave me.

  Hiratsuka sensei sighed as she observed me.

  “Yukinoshita. It appears that you’re having a hard time straightening him out.”

  “That’s because he himself isn’t aware of the fact that he has a problem.” Yukinoshita replied coldly in response to sensei’s troubled expression.

  ……This feeling….I just can’t stand to be here another second. It feels similar to the time when my parents found out about my porn stash in sixth grade and kept lecturing me about it.

  No, probably not that bad.

  “Um…you’ve been saying nonsensical stuff about straightening me out and improvement and reformation and revolutionary girls and whatnot for a while now, but I never really asked for any of it…”

  Hiratsuka sensei cocked her head slightly in confusion. “Hm?”

  “…What are you saying? If you don’t change, you’ll be at a level that’ll make living in society difficult.” Yukinoshita looked at me as if her argument was as justified as saying ‘War is fruitless. Lay down your arms.’ “It appears that your humanity is severely inferior to that of others. Don’t you want to change that part of yourself?”

  “That’s not it….I don’t want people who keep harping on about making me change, telling me who I am. Generally, to change yourself at the word of another would mean that you wouldn’t be yourself anymore right? It is said that the self is…”

  “The self is such that it cannot be viewed by oneself objectively.”

  My attempt at sounding impressive by ripping a saying off Descartes was intercepted by Yukinoshita...Even though I was about to say something pretty good.

  “You’re just running away from the problem. If you don’t change, you won’t move forward.” Yukinoshita said, cutting me down with her harsh words. Why has she been so hostile and snappy the whole time? Are her parents crabs or something?

  “What’s wrong with running away? Don’t keep telling me to change like an idiot who only knows one thing.

  If you’re like that then do you do things like face the sun and say, ‘The westering sun is too intense and everybody’s bothered by it so please set in the east from now on.”

  “That’s fallacy. Please don’t stray from the issue at hand. The sun does not move - it is the Earth that moves. Don’t you know the heliocentric theory?”

  “That was just a figure of speech! If that was fallacy then what you’re saying is also fallacy. By changing, in the end I’d be changing in order to run away from the problem. So who’s running away from the problem now? If I really wasn’t running away from the problem, I wouldn’t change and just stay right where I am. Why can’t you just accept my past and the w
ay am I now?”

  “….If that’s how it is, it wouldn’t solve any problems or save anybody.” As Yukinoshita spoke the word ‘save’, her expression was that of bloodcurdling anger. I inadvertently flinched. I was on the verge of apologizing by blurting out a ‘S-s-s-s-sorry!’ if needed be. Talking about salvation isn’t usually something a mere high school student would do. I just can’t understand what it is that is driving her this far.

  “Both of you just calm down.” Hiratsuka sensei’s calm tone eased what was to become, or rather, what had been an unpleasant atmosphere from the very start. Just by looking at her grinning face, you could tell that she was full of anticipation and delight. “Things have become interesting. I love developments like these. It’s like JUMP[4], which is nice don’t you think?”

  Somehow, sensei was the only one who was ecstatic. Even though she was female, her eyes were like those of a young boy. “Since before ancient times, when two collide in the name of justice, it is customary in shounen manga to battle it out in an all or nothing match.”

  “But we’re not in a shounen manga…” Nobody paid attention to me.

  As sensei let out a resounding laugh, she turned to us and made a loud announcement.

  “Well then let’s do it this way. From now on, I will guide troubled lambs to this club where they will be under your supervision. The both of you will try and help them as you see fit. And it would be good if you prove your moral righteousness to each other to the best of your ability. Who can help these people?! Gundam Fight. Ready, Go!!”[5]

  “I refuse.” Yukinoshita declared, bluntly rejecting her proposition. Her eyes harbored the same coldness that had been directed at me only a little while ago. Well, since I agreed with her, I nodded in assent. Not to mention that G Gundam isn’t from our generation.

  After sensei had registered our unwillingness, she bit her nails in frustration.

  “Tch, maybe a Robattle5 would have been easier to understand…”

  “That’s not the problem…”

  Games like ‘Medabots’ are too geeky……

  “Sensei. Please stop acting childishly hyperactive. It is unbecoming of someone your age and it’s awfully indecent.” Yukinoshita hurled ice-cold sharp words like they were icicles. It wasn’t clear if sensei had calmed down or not, but in an instant sensei’s face was colored pink in embarrassment. She cleared her throat so as to cover up her faux pas.

  “In-in any case! The only thing that will prove one’s rectitude is their actions! If I said you must have a match, then you will have a match. Neither of you have the right to say no.”

  “That’s too tyrannical….”

  She’s exactly like a kid! The only part of her that’s adult like is her chest. Well, in something as stupid as a battle I’d lose for fun. Hah. But getting a star for my efforts wouldn’t be so bad. To say that there’s meaning in participating in such a thing is a convenient and overly extravagant thing to say.

  Nonetheless, the overly detestable woman child[6] with a mind full of shounen manga was still spouting absurd remarks.

  “In order for you to fight with your utmost desperate efforts, I’ll provide a little motivation. How about, the winner can command the loser to do anything they wish?”

  “Absolutely anything?!”

  By anything, it must mean that right? It can’t be anything but that anything….gulp.

  Suddenly, the sound of a chair being pulled back could be heard. Yukinoshita had moved back two meters, embracing her body as she took a defensive position.

  “Competing against this boy makes me feel that my chastity is in peril. I refuse.”

  “Prejudice! It’s not as if all second year high school boys only think about obscene stuff!” There are a lot of other things like, uh….I’m thinking! …..world peace? Stuff like that? Other than that, there’s not much else I think about.

  “So even Yukinoshita Yukino is fearful of something….Are you that afraid you’ll lose?” Hiratsuka said with a malicious face. Yukinoshita appeared a little offended at that.

  “….Fine. Although, I’m a little annoyed that I must give in to such cheap provocation. I accept. While we’re at it, I’ll let you deal with that boy, also. ”

  Woah, Yukinoshita’s a sore loser. How is she the type that hates to lose, you ask? The fact that she basically said ‘I can see right through your intentions’ like someone who hates to lose. I mean, what does she mean by ‘deal with’? You’re scary already so just stop it.

  Hiratsuka sensei grinned broadly, ignoring Yukinoshita’s gaze.

  “Then it’s decided.”

  “Hey, you haven’t asked me if I accept….”

  “One look at that grin on your face and I saw no point in asking you.”

  I see….

  “I will decide the winner of this match. Of course, the decision will be influenced by my opinion and bias. Don’t think about it too much and just act accordingly….in an appropriate and proper manner and do your best.” Having uttered these words, Hiratsuka sensei left the room, leaving only a very cross Yukinoshita and I behind.

  Of course, there’s nothing to talk about. While remaining motionless in that silent room, a sound like that of a broken radio resounded. It was sign that a chime was about to ring. Indeed, after a synthesized chime had sounded, Yukinoshita suddenly closed her book. It seemed that the chime indicated the end of the school day.

  With that as a signal, Yukinoshita quickly set about getting her things together to go home. After she had carefully put her book in her bag, she stood up. Then, she gave me a fleeting glance. And with just that and not a word, she left. Without even a ‘see you tomorrow’ or a ‘goodbye’, she had briskly walked out. I didn’t even get the chance to call her out on her exceedingly cold reception.

  And there I was all-alone, the only one left in that room. Was today an unlucky day or something? I got called to the teacher’s lounge, was forced to join a mysterious club and got verbally abused by a girl whose good looks are wasted on the only cute part of her – her face. I’ve sustained some considerably extensive damage.

  Isn’t talking to a girl supposed to make you more excited? My heart only sank in despair.

  If it’s going to be like this, then talking to stuffed animals everyday would be a lot better. They don’t talk back and they always smile brightly at you. Why wasn’t I born a hardcore masochist?

  And on top of that, why am I forced to compete in such a pointless match? With Yukinoshita as my opponent, I don’t think I can win. I wonder if something like a match would generally be considered part of club activities. When I think of club activities, something like what those girl bands do on those DVDs would be just right.

  With things continuing as they are now, will we ever be able to get along? Not likely.

  She’d probably command me in that unconcerned manner by saying something like, ‘Your breath smells, so could you stop breathing for at least three hours?’

  As I expected, youth is full of nothing but lies.

  After losing a baseball tournament during their third year, they shed tears to make themselves seem beautiful. After failing their college entrance exam, they insist that their failure is simply a life experience. After failing to confess to the person they like, they withdraw. They deceive themselves by feigning ignorance, saying that they were thinking about that person’s happiness.

  And then there’s that. Anticipating a romantic comedy with an unsociable, irritating so-called tsundere[7] girl that is never going to happen. My essay does not require any amendments. As I expected; youth is a pretence, a deceptive word, and fraudulent.

  Chapter 2 - Yukinoshita Yukino is always headstrong

  As I was exiting the classroom after homeroom had finished, I spotted Hiratsuka sensei lying in wait for me. She was like a prison guard, standing completely motionless with her arms folded. In fact, if she had come dressed in military uniform and been given a whip, it would probably suit her a little too much. Well since school is pr
etty much like a jail, that wouldn’t be too much of a stretch of the imagination. I mean you could compare it to Alcatraz or Cassandra[1]. It would be nice if the Savior of the Century’s End would hurry up and arrive.[2]

  “Hikigaya. It’s time for club activities.”

  As she soon as she said that, I could suddenly feel my blood run cold. Crap. I’m going to be arrested. If I get escorted to the clubroom I seriously will lose all hope in my school life.

  Yukinoshita, a natural born stuck-up, speaks words that are sort of venomous. They’re really just abusive and not cute at all. Would you call that being a tsundere? Oh wait, that just describes a plain old bitch.

  But despite that, Hiratsuka sensei didn’t give me an ounce of consideration and wore a smile of indifference.